Hey guys, so I haven’t posted in a week or so, but I just wanted to share some things that have been going on in my life the past three months. I consider myself to be a very blessed, happy, and healthy person and I try to project that out in public and on social media, however the past few months, I really haven’t felt that way. I have used social media as a wall and only use it so show a fake front of happiness, but to tear that wall down, it would be really messy.
I’ve been very unhappy with myself and my lifestyle. Basically everything in my life I was just viewing as negative and I was putting in no effort to fix those negative things and therefore I became very depressed, especially when I was alone. I’ve gained about 15 or so pounds since last year and I didn’t fit into any of my clothes and so I felt fat and insecure. I would look at social media and immediately doubt my beauty and feel so horrible about myself. There would be times where my boyfriend was going to take me out and I would dress cute, but feel very fat and insecure, so I would change into an over sized t -shirt and shorts, or just cry and decide not to go out at all. Over sized shirts actually became my go-to for awhile.
I hated so much about myself and there was no reason to. My body had actually filled out and I have a nice figure, but I was wearing clothes that didn’t fit and it just showed off the wrong parts of my body. I understand what you are probably thinking, why didn’t you change your diet, or workout. I tried, but it is actually hard. I love food and it is just so hard to change your diet, especially when you have zero motivation because you’ve let yourself slip into a depression. I even bought a gym membership and I have yet to use it. It is really hard to get to the gym when you feel down on yourself and would rather stay in bed and you don’t really have someone there to motivate you.
Not only did I feel fat, I had become so messy. It showed in my room, on myself and in my work. I become lazy at my job, my room was a disaster, and I was not taking care of myself. When I went on vacation about a month ago, I was surprised at how easy it was for me to wake up at 8 am and go to the beach, or pool, or just go out. I started taking care of myself those few days, and a bit of happiness crept through. However, when I got back, it became very difficult to wake up early, meaning I didn’t have time to take care of myself let alone fix dinner or clean after work. I knew I needed to change, but I just could not motivate myself to do so in order to get out of my slump and find happiness again.
When you’re feeling this way, it can be really hard to feel confident and go out and have fun with friends, family, or even meet new people. Life can seem really intimidating when you don’t have the confidence you need. Finally, I found my confidence.
I started watching Queer Eye on Netflix, and watching the Fab Five transform people’s confidence, allowed me to transform mine. I know that sounds crazy, that a Netflix series could change your life, but it’s true. I decided to take the advice, the guys were giving to others and apply it to myself. So I went to TJ Maxx and H&M and bought myself clothes that fit and made me feel good about myself. I had not gone shopping in forever, just because I hated going out anymore and I was trying to not to spend as much money, since I have to pay bills, groceries, etc. Honestly, after allowing myself to try on a size 10 and see how comfortable and great my jeans felt, I didn’t care what size I was wearing because I felt so good. Just because you aren’t a size 2 anymore, doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy.
Then, I came back to my dorm and cleaned up, did all of my laundry, and rearranged my room. I bought a new bed comforter to brighten up my room and hung my tapestry. I also put out other decorations and made the space mine again. I hadn’t put up any decorations this summer, because I knew I would be moving out in the fall to another room, but I think that fact that the room was drab and not really showing off my style had an effect on my mood. The mess also contributed to how I felt.
Having a “new” space and new clothes allowed me to boost my confidence and gain a sense of happiness. I had an interview today and usually when I go in for an interview, I am extremely nervous. I have never been good at interviews. However, today, I told myself to be confident. The woman who interviewed me actually complimented me on how I looked like an organized and confident person, who cares about appearance. I felt confident throughout the interview, I felt like it went well and I got the job before I even left the place. I feel so good and confident about myself and to be complimented on it feels even better! I don’t think I would be where I am right now, if I hadn’t watched a show that I related to so much in certain areas. I thank the Fab Five so much even if I haven’t actually met them, they honestly gave me my confidence back and I hope that this blog gives you the confidence to begin your journey to happiness.
Shit Sydney Says 